life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk is not a location!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
