sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
