So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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