I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
"it" just moved
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
