but the lizard people decide everything anyway
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
