A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
