Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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