Your face is a jimmy john
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ketchup is God's man juice
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
