I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
