Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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