Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
