1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
