i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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