so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
