Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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