did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
