Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
