She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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