Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
