Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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