Ketchup is God's man juice
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
