Buhtt sex?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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