But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
