awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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