he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
