They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
