fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
