well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How's work?
Spinning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
