its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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