dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
