i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
