if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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