community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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