Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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