Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
