sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
