I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
