TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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