i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
