I think my fart just growled at me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
