when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
