PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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