Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
