That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I deserve this hangover.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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