she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
