Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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