like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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