You're completely useless in the revolution.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
