Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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