I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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